He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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