If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
