Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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