Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
