he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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