Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
