my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
