I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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