I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My balls are so social today.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize