Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
