Your tits are I can't wait for
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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