True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
