grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
