dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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