You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
