i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
