the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
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