Just fell off a train. Bad.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
