the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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