dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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