You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
