I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
