Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
