Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
