things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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