Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
