According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
And the cops told us we were all naked.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
