It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
