it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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