oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
