Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
