dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
