I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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