So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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