its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize