Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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