did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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