$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
