I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
