??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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