hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
