She's JV to your varsity
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
