i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
