Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
zippers are such a cool invention
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
