If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
