You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
