The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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