ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
