At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
