Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
