So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
