five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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