you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
