He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Come see our sink grown plant.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
