In America we eat man semen.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
