All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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