Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
