Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
