I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
