I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
