just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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