My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
