I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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