then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize