Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
