I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
