I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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