My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
never play flip cup with pint glasses
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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