I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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