oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize