haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
