Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
