HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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