she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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