do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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