Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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